Wake me up, before I go go

Allow me to be straight up.

I detest being nagged at and I detest being told what to do. If I find you guilty of this, I will cut you out until further notice. And you're free to do the same.

However, I appreciate constructive advice and balanced points of view. I'm not the sort of person who's too high on my high horse to be looking for knowledge either, whether they be from printed resources or other people.

I may have given the impression to many that I'm this squeaky clean guy. And for that, I apologise for it's not true at all. Like you, I am but a man. I make mistakes.

In life, my awakening only occured at 20. Prior to that, I have done things that are socially, morally and just plain wrong by the civil law.

And my Islamic awakening only came late last year at 26. Before that, I have many times broken the laws of my religion from the way I led my life and now I repent.

Not many, including my family members know that I was once recommended by my school's counsellor to attend anger management therapy. I beat someone up. In my mind, I convinced myself it was for defending a friend's honour but in reality I just had to release my pent up anger.

I quit school right after. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. For me, that was the last thing among the list of things that went wrong in my life at that period of time. Nothing was going right.

I told myself I had to change. I believed that at my own time and my own remedy, I can change for the better.

Seven years have passed since then, and I'm still not there yet but I'm not in panic.

I've always been like that. I've always believed that no one is responsible for my life but myself. Other people are crazy about getting qualified to certify that they are knowledgeable in their fields but for me, I'd rather learn from The School of Hard Knocks. There are no certificates. Only battle scars - mentally and physically.

Change, has not been easy. Sometimes I write about it, sometimes I don't but at the end of the day I too believe that change should not be imposed on other people.

For me, I make it manageable for myself as I believe in doing everything in moderation. So even when I break rules, I break in moderation. I like to have the comfort of knowing the exit door's still in sight whenever I do anything just in case there's a change in plans.

Other people also have their own sets of experiences and they have their own way of learning from them and applying whatever they learn into their own lives, at their own time and fancy.

Even for my Islamic awakening, it took me years through real life experiences before I finally took the first step to attend prayer lessons last year. And now I want more. I want to learn more about Islam and I want to apply what I learn.

Don't get me wrong. That's not to say that you cannot find solace and spiritual enlightenment from any other religion of your choice. Go ahead and get involved in anything if it makes you a better person. It doesn't even have to be religion.

I just consider myself lucky that my awakening came in the form of the religion I was born into. Better late than never. Alhamdulillah thank God, He made things happen for me.

My life is split into four parts. Religion is only one of it. To be honest, right now my emphasis is Work, Religion, Self and Family in that order. I'm working to make it Religion, Family, Work and Self in time to come.

I just hope that time comes before I kick the bucket.