Every daze

My mind has been in a daze of late. The uncertainty is getting to me. Trying to coordinate the variables in my life better to achieve what I'm setting out to do in the long term.

The plan right now is to:

1) Get that cleaning contract
2) Serve my reservist in June
3) Tender my resignation at my current job

So that I could:

1) Concentrate on my business development (website, acquiring more contracts, sell more stuff on eBay, attend to business matters)
2) Spare some evenings to enrich myself with activities (have written to volunteer with the Workers' Party, religious classes and if I could afford it, educational courses and perhaps to also indulge myself in my hobbies or other fun activities too)
3) Have more money to save, invest, donate, distribute (I only need a little for myself)

All the variables are there but they're in a mess. It's like I'm in some evil fantasy jigsaw puzzle game. I'm not in control. Much depend on how things will turn out in the next one month.

But I don't wanna give up.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see someone who's given up most of the time when things get a little rough. The only time I didn't was when I was in the army but then again, the whole thing was mandatory and there was no way I could just walk out anyway.

So yeah, no matter how things are not rosy I keep telling myself I cannot just walk away until I have the next opportunity not only clearly in sight or within grasp, but in the bag.

It took me longer than others to realize this. I'm on the wrong side of the 20s now but I'm glad I did eventually. I have always been a late bloomer and I hope things will work out, whatever they are, whenever that may be.