Whited out

Usually when I move on from one stage of my life to another, I'd sever all traces of communication between the people of the last stage and myself. I'd either change or not carry a handphone at all, cut my pager line, change my address, my email address or whatever, and this time I'm thinking of doing the same thing.

The thing is, ok so maybe I've made an impact on other people's lives at my last job, that's all fine and dandy but I don't understand why there is a need to cry for me and everything. It's not like I'm dead. I feel honoured of course but I also find it a little over-dramatic.

And then I have phone calls asking me how I'm doing, people asking me to come and visit, people wanting to meet me up, people wanting to pass me the things they bought for me.

To be honest, it's scary and I do not know how to handle it.

Naturally, I'm a guy who lives life in stages which in my mind are just sub-cycles of life cycles and maybe it's not the best way to handle things but I kinda like to forget about the past and move on to the next sub-cycle without being held back into the past.

Perhaps it's what I've been through personally that makes me be like this, shaping me to be this kind of person. "Is it bad?" I ask myself and sometimes I feel it is.

Just now my former assistant supervisor, the one who gave me my new old phone called to meet me up so she could hand me a spanking new housing (for the phone) she just bought.

She actually called me last week during my reservist to tell me about this and I made a small deal of it hoping it'd die down but it seemed that she was so determined that I had to give in.

So after spending a few minutes deciding what to do and where to meet (I was trying not to meet her initially because I just felt scared about this whole thing), we finally settled to meet at Braddell MRT.

I thought it was gonna be like a simple pass-me-the-housing-make-some-small-talk-and-scram affair but then she exited the gantry.

"Oooooo-kay", I thought.

"Gaaa! What do we do?" I asked myself as my mind tried to think of ways to escape.

As usual, my face didn't show what my heart was thinking. Um yes, my heart can think. So I just casually led us to the coffeeshop nearby, ordered us both a drink and sat down for a while hoping to know what to do next.

She passed me the phone's housing (Finally! How LONG I've waited!) and I asked how things are at work.

One of the reasons why I've been trying to escape is that I know that we'd be communicating in Mandarin. I mean, although I've all along been saying that I can do the language, I only use it when necessary because my knowledge of it is quite minimal. I'd use it for work no problem but this is not work.

I was struggling. I felt uneasy. I was wriggling around in my seat. In my mind, my eyeballs were darting all over the place looking for the imaginary "Exit" sign.

And it was over in half an hour.

Thank God.

And I'm now a proud owner of a brand new all white phone housing (I've always liked white phone housings and she knows, eeey scary). To this day, I have not spent a single cent on this phone.