Bang!

Yesterday one of the female workers' Ah Beng boyfriend swaggered to the stall where she works, er, worked at with all guns blazing and declared that she would no longer come to work.

When I asked the other workers there what happened and what the reason was, out of real concern, as this would mean her salary's gonna be cut from not giving ample period of notice, all they said was that she's not been feeling well after she had her wisdom tooth pulled out earlier this week.

But I found out later that rumour has it that the cowboy was jealous of me!

What in the heck?!

The only deal between me and her is that she helps me buy cigarettes from Johore Bahru everyday and that's about it. It's a straightforward deal. She earns a bit from me and I get cheaper cigarettes. It's a win-win situation.

I'm being honest here. If I happen to catch the same bus as her on the way to work, I'll even stop one bus stop further than her so that we wouldn't be caught together.

I'm just trying to be professional. I don't want her or any other person to get any other idea.

But it's all funny. I can't help it if I'm good-looking and if that makes the cowboy wary, that's his problem. He needs to keep taking his chill pill and stop being so obsessive.

No cutlery

So the not really bad news, but just sad news.

My company is replacing FNS at 399 with our non-Halal foodcourt concept. There shall be no more FNS in Taman Jurong in June if everything goes as planned.

First, the whys:

1) We wanna reposition ourselves to capture the bigger non-Muslim target market and that not only include the customers, it also includes tenants as well as workers.

Basically, we just want more money. I mean what else is a business for if not to generate revenue, right?

2) We want to complete our transformation which includes stripping every bit of anything tangible that reminds anyone of FNS and replace them with the new decor in tandem with the opening of our new neighbour, the family KTV joint next to us.

The implications:

Pros:

1) More revenue from a larger base of customers, which will increase the revenue of our tenants which will enable us to garner more rent and sales commission.

2) Create more jobs though this will be a double-edged sword as a minimum number of Muslim workers per stall is no longer needed as per MUIS regulation. But you know... sheesh, no more comment.

Cons:

1) Possible longer opening hours to cater for the KTV joint next door.

2) Because of this, I may no longer be able to stick around as I would miss my last train home if I was to do the second shift on every other week.

3) There shall be less of a need for me to be here as I am specialised in Halal matters besides just managing foodcourts when my speciality is more needed in our other Halal outlets, especially 768.

4) With a one month tender of resignation period to serve, if I time my resignation well, I could immediately start my new job as 399's new cleaning contractor the day after the last day of that period. IF I get the contract, that is.

5) IF I get that contract, I must take into consideration to always keep non-Halal and Halal crockery, utensil, cutlery, pottery separated... not only when collecting the soiled ones onto trolleys but also during washing which will be difficult but not impossible.


I don't oppose this move. It's necessary in all logic. Change can be good. We just have to roll with it and adjust ourselves to suit the tactics. It's just like soccer. Sometimes teams switch tactics and playing positions in the middle of a match in order to outwit, outplay and outwhatever the opposition.

In the big picture, even if I was to not be this foodcourt's manager anymore, I'll be around in another capacity and contribute in other ways. I can apply what I have learnt as a Halal-specialised foodcourt manager for when I become a cleaner too. It's just like a film director applying what he learnt from when he was an actor from the other side of the camera. That's all.

Code

Ah Suan actually took all the trouble after work to go to the Nokia Service Center to send the 7260 for repair.

Awww...

Apparently, the memory card is still stuck inside and the security code is still unknown.

I asked her to let me know how much they were gonna charge her so I could pay her back but she said no need.

Dang, I don't understand these women, ya know? Sometimes they say no but they mean yes, other times it's the other way around.

Oh heck it, I'm just gonna offer her $100 for it, assuming that the phone is in working condition.

In fact

I was so pissed off with Peter, our cleaning contractor this morning. His worker didn't turn up this morning and I had to do all his work!

I'm not pissed off with the worker in question who also happens to be Peter's dad. It's either probably his day off today or he's not feeling too good. He is after all an old man. Peter shouldn't have let his own father work split shifts like that in the first place. Give the old man a break!

He starts work at 0730hrs everyday, goes back home from Taman Jurong to Marsiling at 1500hrs to rest and comes back to work at 1800hrs-2200hrs. It's definitely gonna take a toll on his 60 over yrs old body.

No one informed either Peter's supervisor so he could come early, or us, the management. I only realised when I got to work, as usually the old man is the first to be there even before I am.

So after I finished all my paperwork, I rolled up my sleeves and took on the old man's job. I cleared and wiped tables, threw the piles of rubbish at the back of the kitchens as well as swept and mopped the entire floor area to prepare us for the lunch crowd. I don't like the foodcourt looking like crap. Lunch and dinner hours are our times to shine and leave a good impression.

I'm not bitter about having to do the old man's job. I've got a battle scar of a blister to show on one of my fingers from sweeping and my back hurts but as always, I'm down with the people. People were watching and wondering how come this strapping young, dude was doing all the dirty work but I'm not too proud for something like this. Not my first time, won't be the last time.

In fact, I feel enlightened. Now I know the shit I made the old man do all this time. Damn I'm evil. If I was to hurt like that, imagine the old man. And he's a good worker too. Always on his toes. I like him. I guess this particular trait of his didn't go down together with the rest of the gene pool when Peter happened.

Well if anything, I've also stumbled upon an opportunity of a prelude to the future seeing that it's possible that I may take over Peter's contract. Cool.

I really see no chance in Peter hanging around here. That's already been decided way before I thought about taking over him and today just emphasized a little more on the whys. The bugger wouldn't even answer his phone or even call us back later, no matter how late.

Heard that people all over my company have been looking for him. The workers in one of the other outlets simply didn't turn up for work on one of the days last week in protest of his late salary payments.

It is also a well-known fact that among all the four outlets that he's in charge of, we at 399 are the only ones who haven't fined or taken any disciplinary action on him for anything when there's been so many reasons for us to do so. We care for his well-being and we get none in return.

So that fact is about to change.

Male order bribe

After I did my rounds this morning, I made my last stop at Serangoon Interchange to deliver a box of contact lens from one mom from M4M to another.

It's been about two months already. I was only supposed to act as a transit for the second mom to pick them up from me but she couldn't make it.

No big deal. Since I had nothing on, I offered to bring it to her.

This wasn't my first time doing something like this for total strangers online and offline. Just pay it forward, I'm just happy to contribute positively in my own little way to the world.

But of course the box of Ferrero Rochers Chris @ csky brought for me helped too! Haha!

Now, that's one way of getting me to do anything!

Cat snap

My assistant supervisor is so kind. This is what I mean when I say people will take care of you if you take care of them.

She's letting me have her old and still working well Nokia 7260 handphone. She has a spanking new one.

Everyone knows how old my own phone is and how it's giving me problems. In fact, I was thinking of getting a pre-owned phone with better features before this and was indeed eyeing the Nokia 7260 before she came along. How convenient.

With a FM radio and camera function, it's the worst of the best of Nokia phones in my book.

Guess word got around and Suan, my Ass Sup, approached me after she got her new phone. She said I could keep it and it's up to me how much and when I wanna pay for it. Wow, how sweet.

I've checked around and it's going at $100 pre-loved. Then I'll sell my current stupid phone. I don't even know what model it is. It's that old. I've actually been offered $40 for it (stupid people!).

But I'll have to wait. It seems that her son had put a security code on it and she has no idea what it is. So I might have to wait a few days, a few weeks, I don't know, but I'm glad to know that I have my dream phone waiting for me - The Calamity Phone!

I can't wait to take pictures of Baby, 399's resident cat who loves to beg people to feed her and stroke her and post them up here. She only eats, sleeps and expects her back to be rubbed. Those are her only life's ambitions.

One time, she asked me for a back rub and I was feeling lazy so I kinda just *patpatpat* her on the head. She bit me. ^$#%^!!! The damn cat bit me! And then she gave me an icy look that said, "If you wanna do it, better do it properly, buster!" so I had no choice but to unhappily and unwillingly did as I was told.

She's got attitude.

I like to see her sleeping. She sleeps anywhere, anytime, any position. I feel like kicking her butt and squishing her! The lazy ass!

Bondage

There's something else that I learned. The Bad can be Good, the Good can be Better and the Better can be Way Better.

I'm referring to ties. Ties with other people. They can be better.

As usual, I'm not gonna suddenly go Heehee-Haha on people. Tried that before and lost steam after a while. Besides, people are used to the sedate Calamity Man, it's gonna freak them out if I suddenly get all chummy with them.

I want a well-balanced life.

What use is my pursuit to nourish myself with material gains, if I forget to nourish my soul? Well, these two areas are work in progress with a system in place so I'm just gonna stick with the program, no worries.

But I'm not gonna get all systematic with this one I'm talking about - ties. Family ties, friendship, whatever.

There's no formula for this but I do know the first step is to actually start talking. On the contrary, offline, I don't talk as much as I do when I'm online.

It's like I have split personalities.

Online, I have a lot to say. I let my heart talk.

At work, I'm da man. The little people adore me. They take care of me because I take care of them. Even strangers approach me for advice on their love life.

In the army, I'm reliable. I work like a clock. I need only be told once. I achieve whatever objective I am given.

In sports, when in form, I'm a different animal. My eyes bulge out people think they're gonna pop out. I grit my teeth, I grunt. The ball is mine, the ball is mine. No one gets pass the defence. Trespassers will have their legs cut off.

Outside of all that, I'm none of the above and that's being honest.

Now that I've realised, learned a little, I'm just gonna take my time to apply my best attributes into this area dealing with people outside of whatever I mentioned above.

No time limit, no benchmark, no target. Just kool and the gang.

ONO!

Or Nearest Offer.

I'm currently trying to apply what I've so far learned in the art of negotiation.

So far, I've learned that everything can be negotiated. It depends on a few things but I'm not gonna be so detailed coz I'm saving that up for Calamity Man - The Book. Yeah right.

So anyway, in the past week what happened was:

1) I sold my last damned piece of colour-changing alarm clock via eBay.

2) One of my foodcourt's tenants handed over tenantship of his stall to his employee (now ex-employee).

After I sold the clock, the guy asked if I had more of it and I told him that I was actually not thinking of stocking up on it again but if he seriously wants it, I could get it for him. He wanted six more. So fine.

I remembered Max. He's a friend and business mentor. He had ever offered to wholesale me the clock at a price cheaper than when I got it from another guy earlier.

When I approached him for the six clocks, I pretended to forget how much he offered me the last time and I knew he'd forget too because he's a busy, busy man so I made him a mickey mouse offer which was lower than what he said the last time.

He said OK.

Heh heh.

Very good. I'm glad it worked.

My company is desperate to retain tenantship at 399. Not a lotta people know this. We didn't want to show our cards but when the tenant of Stall 7 threatened my Area Manager to pull out, he crumbled.

In the end, the tenant still didn't wanna stay but he said he'd transfer all and sundry that has to do with his stall to his employee if my Area Manager would lower down the rental very substantially.

After much negotiation, the rental was reduced by a whopping 47%!

All's well, end's well. It means so much for my company to not have a gap in the row of stalls as a matter of saving face, the former tenant got to get rid of his Waterloo of a stall and his former employee is now The Boss.

Everybody wins. Yay!

The main key is this. The seller will always quote the highest possible price for whatever he's selling. The buyer must at all times not just agree to what he says the first time. Make your lowest possible offer then work towards the center with the seller. Different situations calls for different forms of strategy. The first one who bats his eyelids loses.

Graveyard hour

Nothing much, just trying to keep myself awake so I could catch the Villareal VS Arsenal Champions League soccer match on TV at 0230hrs.

I reached home and caught Liana and Jelte........ *GASP* watching a kiddy movie that starts with Z which was something like Jumanji. I can't remember the name but anyway, it is from the producers of Jumanji so hence.

The two kids bickering in the movie reminds me so much of Lilie's kids. :(

I sent Lilie and SMS two nights ago saying that I miss them all. That having Liana and Jelte isn't the same. That I don't think they both would respond too well to being beaten up, smacked, kicked, hung upside down and poked with a spoon. I'd rather pick on kids.

No fun.

About my last post, nah I'm not gonna burn my bra over it. The best I could do at my own personal capacity is to lead by example.

Have a well-balanced life and give back to society. That's what it's all about. It's not like I'm bringing whatever possession I have to my grave. Hopefully, I carry on the positive chain reaction which I'm presently a part of. There's nothing to prove to anybody, really.

In the end, it's just me and Him.

The cost of beef

My company's new HR directive ladies and gents...

Criteria for recruiting Food Court Executives:

• Place of stay (as near as outlet as possible)
• Age - not below 20 years old
• Willingness to learn
• No Malays to non-Halal outlets

No prizes for guessing which clause from the above I have a beef with, Halal or not.

It's one thing if an organisation seeks Mandarin-speaking personnel only. Although it's bad enough to harm the employment opportunities of anyone not Chinese, it actually makes sense because most organisations deal with other Mandarin-speaking organisations and people inside and outside the country.

But to blatantly and outrightly put it like that on top, it's like a slap on my face.

I already know from the beginning that the very reason I was employed wasn't because of my abilities. It's more so for convenience, to facilitate the Halal process besides managing foodcourts.

I don't really wanna make an issue of this.

One part of me is saying just let it rest. Resign to the fact that no matter what, these things do exist. It's just whether they wanna make it obvious or not. The only thing I can do is do more to prove to them that Malays aren't all that bad.

Obviously I haven't done enough to change their mindset. And the other Malay guys who didn't take their jobs seriously and came and went as they pleased didn't help either.

The other part of wants to be a romantic and do a Che Guevara. If I wanted things to change, this is my chance. But at what cost?

I think there's a better way to tackle this matter. I just haven't had time to really think about it.

Digging it

I'm not sure right now if I'm gonna get the cleaning contract at 399 but I'm sure of one thing and that is we're not sticking with the current cleaning contractor. No chance.

The thing is, it's gonna take a little more time before it's decided who exactly will take over them in May and that time is eating into the amount of time it'd take for me to arrange things.

It's not as simple as me taking over cleaning duties just like that. I'd need to negotiate with the current contractor to takeover his things which he paid for himself, to ask him to settle all his outstanding utility bills and monthly dishwashing machine rentals and also to arrange for workers and to brief the workers on the ways of foodcourt-cleaning operations.

One more thing is that I need to think of my own interests. The niggling thought I have now is should I partner Rudi in this venture or also in all future cleaning operations of food establishments? I'm not sure if I could trust him entirely. I don't trust anyone in business.

Should I just partner him in this one outlet as a training for myself and then branch out on my own?

Without expanding too much on the details, of course I have devised the contract nicely such that all money would fall into my hands afterwhich I would distribute it accordingly but I know for a fact that he's kinda in need of money not only for his family but also to expand his other business interests.

I have already made it clear to him that money that comes from this side of the business is only meant for this side of the business and I don't want it to be messed around.

My plan is clear. We get our fees, we deduct all expenses, we set aside a fixed amount of money for savings and then we divide the balance between us.

The savings is for this side of the business' future plans. After deducting everything, the balance for us could rise and fall. It is the only variable in our projected accounts that is not certain.

My objective is also clear. The survival of the business is more important. We are the last things on my mind.

Let's say we have a great opportunity to take up another cleaning contract after this one, we could use our savings as capital for that. If the saving's not enough, we'll cough out a bit more to make up for it but at least we know then that we do not have to scramble around for the bulk of the money needed.

Damn I'm good!

I can do this alone, no problem but I have grown very much wiser all these years and the one big reason why I do not just wanna heck all and jump in is because I wanna hang on to my job first till I see how things pan out.

I seriously do not want my future business to be an any-old-how one. I want it to be systematic so when something goes right or wrong, I know exactly where along the line it originated from.

Now you do

For those not in the know:

McBouncer

It was funny.

I was at work this morning when I saw this little old man who's a regular at both the mosque and my foodcourt so I waved hello as he walked past.

Then suddenly he made an abrupt stop, turned around and walked towards me.

He wanted to ask me something. Ha ha ha. So cute, he actually sounded timid, probably peed in his pants too. Hyuk hyuk hyuk.

Old man: Excuse me sorry. Please don't be angry with me but I just wanted to bring this up.

Me: No problem, I won't. (I thought it was gonna be another dumb complain but...)

Old man: Oh thank you. It's just that I see you around this little place walking around looking smug with your arms folded and an earpiece in your ear... um, are you a bouncer?

Me: (Took one look at him and) Bwahahahahahaha!!!

Me: (Wiping tears from eyes) This is not the first time someone brought up something like this. Someone ever enquired if I was an undercover policeman and someone else even thought I looked like a schoolteacher, so stern but no, I manage this foodcourt.

I have an earpiece on because I'm actually listening to the radio and I walk around with my arms folded because I'm THAT bored.

Old man: Oh. Heh heh (smiling sheepishly). Coz if you said you were a bouncer I would have believed you. You have the size and the look, I don't wanna mess with you. But I was wondering why a little place like this would have a bouncer? Heh. Thanks for clearing that up.

Me: Ha ha ha, no no, don't worry about that. But thanks.




Me? A bouncer? LOL! I only look good in a shirt. Take the shirt off and all my flab fall out. So funny.

But I guess he finally got the guts to approach me because of my new geeky look. Yeah this specs make me look "innocent". Now I know why Superman puts one on when he's off duty. Ha ha!

On another note, one auntie actually stopped me last week as she was having dinner with her family. She wanted to take a photo with me.

"With me?" I asked.

"Why would a stranger wanna take a photo with me?" I thought but heck, there's no harm in that so I put on my cheesiestest smile for the camera. *smile big teeth*

Dang I felt like Ronald McDonald. I didn't charge her. She's already spent $400 over and that's good enough for me. Who in the world spends that kinda money at a foodcourt anyway?

I'm good.

Torture Shop

I've never tried having foot reflexology done on me. Never believed in new age outside help like yoga or bhangra or whatever form of therapy. Never liked the idea.

But of course with the mental stress of late, plus that I injured my right foot while sleeping (uh-huh, never thought that was possible either) last night and that my shoulders hurt for no reason, I thought "Oh heck!".

I was at Rudi's barber shop discussing our blueprint on world domination when we were interrupted. So with a slightly irritated mood, I walked over to the massage shop two lots away from his and announced that I wanted the foot reflexology.

I was shocked coz when I pushed the door open and stepped in, the clerk was a BABE! I talked first and looked later and mentally went "Woohoo!" but dang, then she called out to a bald-headed guy at the back to attend to me instead. *grumble grumble*

The guy was good, to be honest. He knew what he was doing and explained to me what the various parts of my foot he kneaded on led to as to which part of the anatomy he was working on and adviced me on how to look after myself better.

But I could have sworn he was wearing a black hood with a pointed end on his head!

It was torture! PAIN in its purest form! I've never experienced so much physical suffering! All 40 minutes of it!

I don't know now if the whole thing really worked for me but I feel rather de-stressed. My shoulders don't hurt anymore. My legs feel wobbly but they always do anyway as a result of my wanking too much so... .

I might give it another shot, maybe a full body massage even, IF, and that's a BIG "IF" I feel a little richer.

But nah, it's not really that expensive. $35. The foot reflexology was $20. Quite attainable. Maybe I should go once a month or every fortnight or whatever. Not too often. Yeah.

Well, his parting words before I left was that he thought I had a lotta air in my stomach, probably because I have large intestines. Uh-hmm, just by massaging my feet he knows. So that explains why I fart a lot.

Now I can tell this to everyone whenever I let loose a broken arrow. Heh. I have bigintestinescannotsuppressfartilitis. It's Latin but it basically means that I'm allowed!

Nosey ears

I was having dinner with the Grrrs and family back in Perth last November when I stepped out for a while for a ciggie.

I overheard this Taiwanese guy talk to a local bird which summed it all up for me.

You know, back in Taiwan, all I think about is work. Even when I sleep I think of work. I wake up and I plan how my day's going to go like at work. It's work, work, work.

But over here, I wake up, I look out of the window, and I think to myself... "Should I wake up?"

Well said, my man, well said. Moved me to tears when I recall back. Boo hoo.

Respekt

So I met this American Muslim whiteboy called Ibrahim from the mosque last night. What are the chances huh?

Anyway, we had a little chat just before Isyak and one thing he shared with me that stuck to my mind was this:

One time, Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) was just hanging out with his followers when suddenly a Jewish funeral procession was passing them by.

Immediately, Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) rose to his feet as a form of respect.

His followers were agog. One of them actually went, "B-b-b-but Your Highness, they are Jeeews..."

To that, Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) replied, "Are they not people too?"

His followers saw the wisdom in that and followed suit.




Now that's what it's all supposed to be about. I love you, people. Muah!

Perth Day Part Duh

As usual my mom would whip up a meal just because I come over to visit. She's so enthusiastic and very adamant about it that she had to wake me up at 1000hrs so that I could suck 'em all up while they're still piping hot.

Mothers!

But it's all good.

Afterwards, I tagged along with her, Sis Leita and her kid, Ball Ball to the hospital to pick up her medication and to also have lunch.

On Perth Days, I'm allowed to gorge down everything my heart so desires. I've had KFC, fat crabs and prawns, chicken soup, chicken pies, chicken rice (edited to add) as well as TWO chicken burgers with fries over the last two days and I'm still not done yet. There is still dinner to be had, and perhaps even supper after! *smacking lips*

I went to apply for a debit card at DBS after lunch and was hopping and skipping immediately after to the nearby POSBank branch at Toa Payoh when I realized there is no more POSBank there.

WTF(ootball)!!!

I had intended to start another bank account for business use and to park my savings with but I guess I have to do that another day at another branch now. There is no more time today as the banks everywhere were already closing for the day then.

But there was still time to shop!

I ordered myself a brand new pair of glasses to be picked up this Friday. It was on sale for only $88, multi-coated hi-index lenses and all!

I have all the while been putting on daily disposable contact lenses and I figured rather than spend $45 each month on them, I might as well put on glasses and use that money to buy nine large packs of cigarettes. Brilliant! Woo!

I'm gonna watch Seven Samurai on DVD later. My Perth Day is still on as far as I'm concerned.

Perth Day

I was glad that Jelte and I talked last night.

I was pooped out but I somehow found the strength to do so and I'm glad on my part, I made the effort. It was afterall about something important. Family is important. I don't show it often but that doesn't mean I don't care.

(Just for the record, my foodcourt broke our sales record last night. Woo!)

After work, I had planned to pull Jelte aside but he beat me to it, just like he beat Liana to it the night before. He is the reigning Olympic champion in starting conversations.

Liana was knackered so she went straight to bed.

Our conversation had a bumpy start. I was actually trembling and had to breath deeply to control myself - from what I don't know, but I cooled down after 15 minutes and the whole thing ended well after an hour or so.

We covered a whole range of topics. Jelte and I do actually have a lot more in common than I thought.

About the spate of events that occured in the past week, Jelte and I have more or less come to a compromise. Some of the things are hard to swallow for both of us but that's the key - compromise.

I managed to read Liana's latest post. I think she has done well if she's trying to control her emotions and I applaud her for that.

It's funny how we both have to find out about each other's feelings from the Internet when we both are living under the same roof. The Internet can either be a boon or a bane in this case.

Of course we're both gonna talk... when she wakes up that is.

I'm off today.

I'm gonna scrub the toilet right after this. Man, it's like stepping on scum in there. Yucks!

Then, I'm gonna go lunch at McDonald's and read the papers. I hope the kids there don't create a ruckus or I'm gonna smack them with the papers.

I have this weird policy which I shared with Liana last week. On my offdays, I always pretend that I'm in Perth. I'm not supposed to be stressed out, I won't answer phone calls from work, I'll take cabs to avoid the madding crowds at the subway, blah blah blah.

Then I'll spend my day doing simple things, just like how I imagine my life in Perth is gonna be. Call it pre-training if you must. Heh.

Then I'll visit my stepbrother Rudi at his barber shop in Yishun to talk about business. Yup, Gung Ho Ventures will partner Ilford Services in tendering for the cleaning contract at 399 next week.

It's a B2B (Business to Business, not Brother to Brother. LOL!) thing. The plan is for Ilford to exclusively partner Gung Ho in cleaning operations of food establishments islandwide and I've even drafted out a contract which dictates what we can and cannot do, must and must not do as well as what we should or shouldn't do. I'm not sparing any chance.

Besides, there are other things I wanna talk about, all related to business.

Then I plan to visit my mom and Sis Leita, and stay over too.

Last weekend, Liana and I were talking about mom and uh, I realized I have been neglecting her so I called her the next day. It was a weird conversation *rolleyes*

Her place is boring. I don't know what to do when I'm there besides watching TV, old movies and sleep.

On second thought, that sounds good. Doing nothing on my day off is good!

From now onwards, I shall declare days that I'm not at work as Perth Days.

Avalanche

I was sure someone's gonna bring up the thing about me being holier than thou. That's the thing, who am I to be holier than thou? But Suraya and Ratna (in her email) knew where I was coming from.

All I want is to practice Islam deeper, not to be an extremist. To each his own. My own decision is based on my own experiences and from being inspired by the things that I experience which will be 100% different from any other person in this world.

Everyone wants to get onto their own plane to their own destination. Sometimes the planes don't all leave from the same airport.

Like I said, I'm happy if Liana's happy and that includes the rest of my family too. I never mentioned about severing ties. I only said I wanted to move out. I really don't wanna deal with people at home after dealing with people at work. Home is for resting and laying back and recharging weak batteries and catching up on stuff.

Liana, Jelte and I are living in a one room, one hall apartment. I think after a while it gets a little cramped for each of us to do the things that we wanna do individually without stepping on each other's tails, accidentally or not.

Besides, this way, I will only be a disaster to myself as well as be miserable to no one else.

The fault is all mine.

I am the problem.

I don't even have to try.

I don't know but when I returned from doing the full shift at work just now, all I could think of was to go to sleep straight after shower and dinner and yet here I am at almost two on the laptop.

Earlier at the door, I noticed Lilies and Dick were also there. Later, Heidi appeared too. "How nice" I thought but I was really tired.

I could have sworn I said "Hello" first before I told everyone I was doing the full shift again the next day and I needed to sleep.

When I was in the shower, I heard Lilies, Dick and Heidi leaving. I thought OK. And that's it. Perhaps it's already late and they were leaving anyway when I got home. No other thoughts besides that.

And then later on Jelte approached and questioned me, in his own words "Why did you chase them away? You didn't even say hello. Liana actually said something about that" while I was having my late dinner.

I was like "Whaaaat?"

What? What now? Why?

This is amazing. Not another... Oh no. I just kept on shaking my head in disbelief. I couldn't believe this conversation was even happening.

And then to force a reaction, he added, "You have nothing to say huh?"

Oh my God, please spare me the agony.

My God, why would I wanna chase my own family away? Is it wrong to feel less-than-chatty after 16 hours at work? I couldn't believe by declaring that I was doing the full shift again the next day and needing to sleep, I was chasing my siblings away.

At most, all I meant was "you guys go do whatever, don't mind me". Perhaps I should have said exactly that to make things clearer from the beginning.

My God, why do you test me so much?

There's only so much I can take. Masha Allah!

Jelte said he only asked because he needed to know but then he started accusing me and putting words in my mouth and said that's what I wanted right, to chase them out? He added "Why did you chase them out and then still have time to watch TV and eat?"

Incredible.

I can't take it anymore.

My God, why can't I eat at home after 16 hours at work and no dinner? And why can't I eat while watching TV? I just wanted to look at something visual instead of staring into space while eating. Half an hour of TV with food before sleep. Would it kill anyone?

I swore I was gonna hit the sack right after. It wasn't like I was gonna stay up the whole night. This was the only time available between two 16 hour shifts!

I had entertained dreams of becoming a politician but after this incident, I realized how bad I am at defending myself with verbally. I think I shall just volunteer myself behind the scenes.

I suck. I've got things under my thumb at work but my own house isn't in order.

It's simply amazing. I know Jelte meant well. He really thought I was being an ass but it's like now I feel very, very easily misunderstood. People are ganging up against me and finding fault with everything I do. I could just sit down and be quiet and even that would be wrong.

There's only so much I can take God. Please spare me. One thing at a time please. Have mercy. Losing friends and colleagues is one thing but members of the family...?

I don't think I will sleep tonight. I might cab it down to work right after this or wait till the first train. Don't wanna be late for work. I'll decide after my next cigarette.

Breaking point

Nice piece of work by my sis there.

Thank you for making a big deal about something small. Not the birthday part. May Jelte enjoy a fulfilling life ahead.

However you failed to mention the hurtful contents of the SMSes you sent me like for instance "Etc, etc, etc I hate you!"

First of all, you SMSed me at past 2100hrs, when I was busy closing my foodcourt. I shall not describe the process of closing the foodcourt but it takes almost two hours and hence I have no time for anything else, even reading SMSes.

The first SMS was to inform me that I had left the kitchen windows open and to "PLEASE DON'T DO THIS AGAIN".

I was thinking shit, I left the windows open and it rained heavily while I was at work. I already know what kind of damage it would cause but really, did you think I left them open deliberately? Why would I want something like this to happen on purpose?

My mind was already set to finish everything quickly and to go home and do some damage control. I was about to SMS you to leave everything as it is until I get back until I read the second SMS.

The second SMS I read immediately after was to inform me that you found out it wasn't Jelte, therefore it had to be me. I already figured that out after the first SMS.

And then you mentioned about having to clean up and do three rounds of washing and that "I HATE YOU" at the end wasn't necessary at all.

I'm your brother. Why hate me for something so trivial like wet and smelly things? If you had a problem with clearing the mess up, just leave it. After all, it was my own doing. At most, just dry up the floor area for you and Jelte to be able to walk around and leave the rest to me.

This incident reminds me why I do not want a girlfriend. I do not like people making a big deal of everything. Storms in teacups should remain in the teacups. If you have nothing better to say, then please do not say anything which I was planning to do until I saw the potshot you took at me on your blog.

For the amount of money I make, I have bigger problems at work. This incident is totally unnecessary at all. It adds up to the burden I already have on my shoulders when I'm already trying very hard not to snap.

And it's also affirmed my decision to move out and live alone.

Firstly, our lifestyles and approach to life differ. I was willing to live with those. After all, we are family. As long as it makes you happy, I'm happy but after this incident I have decided that to live away from people is the best option for all.

It keeps people away from me and you can have everything the way you want it to be without me holding you back, vice versa. Only then, we are each responsible for our own actions.

I shall move out at the earliest possible opportunity and you shall find money transferred from my bank account to yours from time to time to cover our past, present and future expenses up to the day our rental lease ends this year.

May God bless us all and all the very best to whatever you intend to undertake in your future. Insyallah.

Wake me up, before I go go

Allow me to be straight up.

I detest being nagged at and I detest being told what to do. If I find you guilty of this, I will cut you out until further notice. And you're free to do the same.

However, I appreciate constructive advice and balanced points of view. I'm not the sort of person who's too high on my high horse to be looking for knowledge either, whether they be from printed resources or other people.

I may have given the impression to many that I'm this squeaky clean guy. And for that, I apologise for it's not true at all. Like you, I am but a man. I make mistakes.

In life, my awakening only occured at 20. Prior to that, I have done things that are socially, morally and just plain wrong by the civil law.

And my Islamic awakening only came late last year at 26. Before that, I have many times broken the laws of my religion from the way I led my life and now I repent.

Not many, including my family members know that I was once recommended by my school's counsellor to attend anger management therapy. I beat someone up. In my mind, I convinced myself it was for defending a friend's honour but in reality I just had to release my pent up anger.

I quit school right after. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. For me, that was the last thing among the list of things that went wrong in my life at that period of time. Nothing was going right.

I told myself I had to change. I believed that at my own time and my own remedy, I can change for the better.

Seven years have passed since then, and I'm still not there yet but I'm not in panic.

I've always been like that. I've always believed that no one is responsible for my life but myself. Other people are crazy about getting qualified to certify that they are knowledgeable in their fields but for me, I'd rather learn from The School of Hard Knocks. There are no certificates. Only battle scars - mentally and physically.

Change, has not been easy. Sometimes I write about it, sometimes I don't but at the end of the day I too believe that change should not be imposed on other people.

For me, I make it manageable for myself as I believe in doing everything in moderation. So even when I break rules, I break in moderation. I like to have the comfort of knowing the exit door's still in sight whenever I do anything just in case there's a change in plans.

Other people also have their own sets of experiences and they have their own way of learning from them and applying whatever they learn into their own lives, at their own time and fancy.

Even for my Islamic awakening, it took me years through real life experiences before I finally took the first step to attend prayer lessons last year. And now I want more. I want to learn more about Islam and I want to apply what I learn.

Don't get me wrong. That's not to say that you cannot find solace and spiritual enlightenment from any other religion of your choice. Go ahead and get involved in anything if it makes you a better person. It doesn't even have to be religion.

I just consider myself lucky that my awakening came in the form of the religion I was born into. Better late than never. Alhamdulillah thank God, He made things happen for me.

My life is split into four parts. Religion is only one of it. To be honest, right now my emphasis is Work, Religion, Self and Family in that order. I'm working to make it Religion, Family, Work and Self in time to come.

I just hope that time comes before I kick the bucket.