Fuzzy memory

I'm on a mission to gather more evidence to put on here to showcase to everyone how lazy critters are.

So if you've got any photos of critters in various states of laziness, ya know, like just slacking, snoring, whatever, send them to me at thecalamityman at gmail dot com.

Fishy

As predicted, I didn't get the job at 470. They found someone new. They suggested I move there to assist the new guy but I said no thanks. Why do I always have to be the old guy who assist the new guy?

It's ridiculous but I've learned that in order not to be disappointed, don't expect things to work out. Or at least don't expect too much.

I was a little disappointed, but not because I didn't get the job, but because of the lack of meritocracy being displayed.

In this day and age... *rolleyes*

This one probably slipped their mind but most of 470's foodstalls are due for Halalification renewal come July... so good luck with that, SUCKERS! I know, coz I da man who made it possible.

On the other hand, I've got a somewhat positive job offer... I think. It's a little dodgy. It's for a sales consultant's job in Bintan at a resort.

We'll see how that pans out. I sent them some enquiries to quell some curiosities last night.

In other news, I was gonna put up pictures of pure hard evidence I've been collecting on my new old phone of cats in various states of laziness but I think I got my hands on the wrong data cable for transferring photos from the phone to the computer.

Thank God I only borrowed it so I didn't waste any money there.

The truth is out there. Cats are lazy fuzzbutts and I wanna share my proof with the world. My phone has nothing but photos of cats. Heh.

Axed man

I've just finished watching X MEN 3 and I thought it was fuckin-A.

Fuckin, fuckin-A.

I'm not being biased here. It was nice seeing some old friends on the big screen. Wolverine, yeah, Wolverine, we used to skip classes and catch spiders together and I used to peek at Ororo sun-tanning naked at the school's rooftop. Boy, did she stir up a storm when she caught me one day. Needless to say, the day suddenly wasn't sunny anymore.

"Mam.. ma.. mam... ma. Nyum nyum nyum..."

I even had my own song but uh, they kicked me out. Said I was a disaster. Hey! What did they expect!? Sheesh. But that's another story for another day.

Anyway, only a handful of movies fall under "Perfect" in my book. Forrest Gump, Braveheart, Shawshank Redemption... and now X MEN 3. If anyone disagrees, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to gas you with my mutant fart. Don't make me. It's not gonna be pretty :P

It's about the US government wanting to humanize all mutants voluntarily. The mutants actually have a choice but even they are divided. On one side there is Magneto gathering all mutants who are against this scheme and waging war while on the other side are The X MEN who are also against this scheme but do not condone Magneto's plan for destruction. The rest are loser mutants who willingly got themselves humanized by "the cure".

*making the L sign with hand on forehead* pffft!

Some movies are impressive because of the plot, as Shawshank Redemption is and some made a big impression because of the historical information involved as well as the patriotic factor that is Braveheart but X MEN 3 takes the cake for effort.

Character development, fantastic storyline, great acting, excellent CGI, the entire logistics! The producers and director spared no effort and detail at all. Everything was covered. I couldn't find any fault with the movie besides the fact I wasn't in it.

And they even left room for part 4 ;)

Sweetcake

"Kueh Looby, if you leave, my heart will be so... troubled."

This came from one of my staff, Ah Choon. She's this senior citizen who reminds me very much of the beefy German barmaids that I sometimes see on the tele with their sleeves rolled up and not very good manners for people in their line of work.

(By the way, she calls me Kueh Looby because it sounds like kueh lopes, a kind of Malay sweetcake and uh, she just cannot pronounce my real name no matter what)

It's nice to hear such words from someone like her. Beneath all that, I do think she's one of the many people who cheer me up at work because she's just so funny.

Four other people persuaded me to stay today.

One of them was Ken, my new Area Manager who just took over David.

Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. I stopped him.

I said I was sorry but he was not the first person to talk about a promotion and pay raise everytime I announced I was leaving and it's all been just that - talk. Hot air. There's been a lot of hot air going around this company as far as I'm concerned and if he was gonna continue I suggested he had better came up with something concrete.

I asked him to consider my feelings all this time seeing other people, newer people getting ahead of me in the company and I sometimes wonder what the motive was.

He agreed.

He asked me to hand him my resume and he'd do his best to talk to Benny, the Area Manager in charge of 470 in Toa Payoh (my current hometown) about transferring there.

Fat Bernard is leaving he said and they are looking for someone to replace him.

At that point I just went, "See? They are looking all over the place when they've actually got someone right under their nose!"

Again, Ken agreed. He said I was right. There's no one in the organisation who knows FNS better than I do and I should have been the first option.

And I just had to lambast again, "See? Every one of you keep singing the same song. That I know FNS better than anyone. That I know Halal matters better than anyone. But what in the heck am I sitting right here seeing everyone else flying pass!?"

Right. He couldn't agree more. He asked me to do what he said with my resume and off he went.

But really:

1) Knowing the MD, I have an ice cube's chance in Hell.

2) I'm really trying to get out of irregular hours work.

3) But it'd be nice to put one up over my former teacher and now nemesis, Fat Bernard. Heh heh heh.

I've got my eyes on the prize outside and I'm walking towards the door but I'll keep the back door open just, in, case. I haven't actually tendered my resignation yet. It's all a matter of picking the right time.

Chill out

I watched Da Vinci Code today, alone.

Well, that's not the point.

I understand why some people find the movie a bore, or the book even. The whole two hours was packed with information, information and more information.

It was great. I am always very excited about history and all that, conspiracy theories, different explanations from different angles... . Nice.

That's what the movie is about. To relegate religion to just history.

That's alright to someone with an open mind. I already knew half of what's on from my own research. I just took whatever else I learned as added information.

Some people take it too seriously. The movie does touch on Islamic issues as well since Christianity, Catholicism and Islam are quite related but in the end, it's a matter of what you and I choose to believe.

No need to burn anything. ;)

Zombie advocate

I've been like a zombie this past few days.

Firstly I've been down with a viral infection since Saturday. It got worse on Monday so I went to see the doctor that night. On Tuesday morning, I lost my voice.

All is good though. I got Wednesday off to relax a little and by today, I feel so much better.

Then there's work. This conversion thing is an unnecessary pain in the ass. My company has $50,000 to throw into this project just six months after opening but cannot lower down the rental of each stall.

Sheesh.

Think about it.

The longer I'm here, the more I feel like the Devil's Advocate.

I want my ball back

I know, I know, a grown man like me shouldn't be doing all this but hey, at least I do this at home and not out there fooling around.

So anyway, I have played many but in my life, there is only one PC game that I adore most - Championship Manager 2.

Unfortunately ever since i upgraded to a XP-based computer, I have not been able to install my beloved game.

Someone please tell me what I can do to overcome this problem on my current computer!

Worse case scenario, please tell me which version of Windows OS could sort me out so I could get another computer, load it with that particular OS to solely be able to play this game again.

On the other hand, if someone could explain to me in plain english what it says here, I shall be eternally grateful. I shall be the godfather of your children and your children's children and take care of them for life.

Someone with an IT background should know what all that is about but I'm hoping someone, anyone to point me in the right direction.

My main objective is to get this game going again. I don't care how that happens. It's gotta happen soon. I'm tearing my hair out already.

Thanks.

I can be reached at thecalamityman@gmail.com

Pizza, actually

Sometimes my mom still treats me like a kid.

Yeah, to entice me to go over her place, she actually called me earlier in the week to bribe me with pizza.

And it worked. Heh.

I know her style. She knows I don't like vegetables. Well it depends on how it's prepared. I don't just eat vegetables for the sake of eating vegetables. They must go with the dish or dishes being served. They must complement.

Hence, I was not surprised when I found every kind of vegetable from the market in my pizza. I mean, cabbage don't go with pizza does it? Green leafy vegetables too. There was only a sprinkling of minced beef and some melted cheese to give me the impression those things were actual pizzas.

Ha ha ha *rolleyes* mother, mother.

Debit/credit

Just a short lowdown on things.

It seems even Eric has no more heart to go on at work. He was heartbroken to find out someone else who is newer in this company was taking over the soon-to-be vacant Westside's Area Manager's position.

There goes his ricebowl.

When he told me about this, my only response was, "Now that you're in my shoes, I'm sure you understand how I must feel." I was of course referring to his own promotion over me. He was promoted barely one week into the job in his first foray in the food or even service industry.

I should be more incessed knowing that I've got more knowledge and experience in this industry than he has but I've resigned to the fact my only fault was being born the wrong colour.

Although his credit ratings in my book have dropped in the past week or so, I still maintain that he's the best colleague I've had in this company. And we have this basic mutual respect going on.

Now he's gonna look for another job opening and has given me his blessings for my own job search.

With pride, I lead and with pride, I leave

The meeting with MUIS was good, positive and thankfully, short too. Only half an hour.

Basically we've got the go ahead to convert FNS 399 as long as we're sure of what we're doing.

I have this wicked idea to hand in my resignation letter now just to give them the shock factor knowing that I'm integral to this scheme and seeing how everyone's taking it for granted that as long as I'm around, everything would be OK.

Actually it's not OK. I'm not staying all this time because I am loyal to my company, I'm staying only because the people want me to.

For instance, people have been asking if I would stay after the conversion. I told them it's not up to me because I could be made excess to requirements and be transferred or kicked out.

On the other hand, I still have a choice whether to stay or go with the company who in my opinion have not been treating me the way I think I should be treated. I only ask for fairness and equality - basic human rights.

They said it'd be a pity if I was to go. That'd mean they'd lose their voice against people who are out to manipulate them.

These are the people who trust me. These are the people who would for example ask me to read out their contracts and if I said OK, only then they'd sign on the dotted line. If I find something not right, I'll bring it up and help them negotiate for a better term.

These are the people I care about because I do not like to see little people being taken advantage of and bullied but sometimes I find it strange. Who am I to do all these things for people when I can't even fight for my own rights and terms?

Sigh... .

Anyway, my mind is on Plan C right now. That resigning right now bit on top for the shock factor was only an Ally McBeal moment not to be taken seriously. I won't go until I have something concrete lined up and I won't just settle for anything.

I think I've been very professional with my job despite the adversities and there is no reason for me to drop my standard till then. I'm a proud, proud man.

Impossible is nothing

The day was pretty short, wow.

I got up at 1100ish, wasn't that late considering how little sleep I got over the past week but I'm smart. Before I went to bed the night before I've already arranged with Lilies to get McDonald's for us and come up for lunch. Heh.

It's convenient when you have your sister working just at the building beside your home. Heh. Heh.

I don't know what happened in between, time just flew by, but I managed to bring my mom out to watch Mission Impossible 3.

It wasn't that simple.

Leita wanted to watch too but if she was to go, Ball Ball would wanna go but if they were both to go, then Jambi would be all alone at home and I didn't wanna give the impression that I kidnapped his family or something... .

So I bought tickets for ALL of them.

It's ok. On Perth Days such things are... Mission Possible. Sorry, couldn't resist.

It was a pretty good show and I'm sure my mom liked it. For her, Handsome heroes + Mind-blowing explosions = Good movie.

It's got good stunt scenes going on, hot babe in Maggie Q and a good twist to the plot which kinda fooled everyone. At least I hope so. I don't wanna be the only one who got fooled by how things turned out in the end.

Ball Ball made everyone in the theatre laugh when he asked Leita in all his innocence, "Mama, what are they doooing?" when Ethan Hawke's wife was giving him CPR. Ha ha ha.

Tomorrow, I've got an important meeting with MUIS with regards to our conversion. After that I can choose if I want to go to work or not. What dya reckon? Should I go? ;)

Eye see

Yay I've made it out alive and in one piece! Hurrah to me!

Today was the busiest day of the week and I used every last ounce of energy left in me. I still have some left now for some milk and to write a little.

Oh my mom and sis Leita visited me at work today. I tried to make time for them while juggling a few things. Who says only women can multitask? Heh. I'm touched that they came by. It's Mothers' Day and since I can't make it to them, they made it to me.

Eric also dropped by before that.

I told him about my wild and crazy idea of a "takeover" at 399 (for those not in the know, this is code for my foodcourt) the night before and he was dying to know about it.

I thought he would at least listen but I was disappointed at his reaction. It did not bid well for someone of his position.

I handed him my draft proposal, he took one look and declared that "he knew everything".

He outrightly shot it down to hell and announced that he did not want anything to jeopardize his rice bowl.

I mean, wow. I thought I was the most egocentric, self-centred and selfish individual I've ever come across but this was something else.

My aim with this proposal was so that every single person involved would win, the smallest winner being me and I was really taken aback by his "only I matter" attitude.

His reason was that he didn't want to end up being a laughing stock. In his own words, he wants to keep this job so that he could blindly get his salary at the end of the month while building his part time business. That is a nice plan I have to admit.

Clearly we are two different species here. Despite my lacking as a human being, I believe there is a bigger... thing than me, there is a bigger plan out there than just the individual.

He did apologize in the end for his over-reaction but it's too late. My eyes are open now.

Take the cake

To Venitha: The thing that attracted me about the CNB job was that the ad said "NO UNIFORMS!". Heh.

So anyway, I've completed the fifth of six days of full shifts (16hrs) and I'm happy to announce that I've never been late, as usual. Standard's still there. But I'm not happy to announce that I'm dead tired though.

Whew! Last day tomorrow, Calamity Man, c'mon! You can do it!

I just came online to post this - a lightbulb moment I had, while drinking my usual nightly milk (Can't wait to be married! Sick of cow juice. Heh!)

You know about my Plan A, B and C.

Plan A is to stay put at FNS 399.

Plan B is to take over the cleaning operations at FNS 399 under a joint venture (can't use my name) while still working there as a manager.

Plan C is to jump ship.

I've worked in all the FNSes in Singapore. FNS and I are one and the same. Just like Maradona is Argentina, Brazil is Pele and Lee Kuan Yew is Singapore. People identify me with FNS. Even The Calamity Man's weapons are a fork and spoon.

So it's actually a letdown that my company is gonna change FNS 399 into something else. Something else that I don't identify with. I feel that I've not only let myself down, I've let my people down.

I'm more attached to FNS 399 because I was there from the start and I was with it throughout, seeing it grow to what it is now - a toddler.

Too bad it isn't enough for the powers that be. They want a teenager, not a toddler.

This conversion thing I talked about a few days back... it feels like someone taking my baby away from me. What do they care? They only want to see the money. I'll tell you something, they ARE making money, but they want more. Doesn't matter if the tenants are struggling.

I plan to ask my Boss to take over FNS 399.

Yeap, you read that right I WANT TO TAKE OVER FNS 399... like a franchise thing. I want the whole darn thing. I want the cake and to eat it too.

You may be thinking, "But CM, where are you gonna find the money?"

Thank you for your concern but I've quite a resourceful brain and I've worked out a workable deal in my head which I plan to bring up to the Boss.

Why:

1) Because I feel the current rentals the tenants are paying are too excessive

2) When all the initial costs have already been covered in these six months

3) I want everyone to breathe easier coz even though my own profits will be just about enough, at least I'm making something, all costs considered.

4) Only then FNS would be truly Halal coz Halal doesn't only involve food and drinks, it also involves "making a non-excessive profit".

Why I think it's at least worth a shot:

1) Because I intend to leave anyway, so I've nothing to lose

2) But if my Boss agrees, he doesn't have to worry about fluctuating profits because mine's a straightforward deal

3) He also saves a lot of costs in terms of salary expenses as well as material costs while at the same time earning from me from the material he'd be selling to me

4) He can free the resources he's currently disposing towards operating the premise into other parts of his business which are actually making a more visible profit for him

5) He can forget about spending money on the whole converting thing such as re-renovation, new crockery, new uniforms, new posters, new signboards, new chairs, etc that could run into tens of thousands of dollars and may take months to recoup which means starting all... over ... again...


Damn I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm bloody damn good.

I'm sleepy.

More about this later.

Good night.

Dream, dream, dream. Dream dream dream... .

Plan Zzzzzz

Wa hey whaddya know, I've just applied to be a CNB Narcotics Officer. I've always told myself that if I had to sign on with any uniformed force, it has GOT TO be an elite one. Being an ordinary infantryman or policeman isn't good enough for me.

I don't know, in light of the current uncertainties at work, I thought I had better had a Plan C. I don't really wanna be caught in no man's land when Plans A and B hit The Great Wall of China.

Anyway, it's just an application. Doesn't mean I'd get it but I think I qualify for most of the criteria. Let's see...

MAIN DUTIES of Narcotics Officer

* Carry out field operations to arrest drug offenders (CAN DO)
* Monitor and gather intelligence and evidence against drug offenders (NO WORRIES)
* Conduct undercover operations against drug traffickers (EXCITING!)
* Put up investigation papers (IPs) with the view to prosecuting drug offenders in court (TEDIOUS BUT HO-KAY)
* Conduct preventive drug education talks to youths and organizations (YEAH!)
* Be proficient in computer to create electronic IPs to update the CNB case management system (BRING IT!)

PERSONAL TRAITS

* Calmness in operations (I MAY GO THROUGH McBEAL MOMENTS BUT ON THE OUTSIDE IT DOESN'T SHOW)
* Possess integrity and honesty (MY BEST QUALITIES)
* Good stress coping abilities (BWAHAHAHA! BRING IN THE CHOCOLATES!)
* Resourceful and quick-minded to tackle difficult situations (UH-HMM YEAP)
* Ablility to work well in teams (SUSPECT, BUT YA KNOW... I'M A LEO)
* Good in paperwork necessary for prosecution of offenders (EASY PEASY)

ENTRY REQUIREMENTS

* Singapore Citizen or Permanent Resident (YUP)
* Male applicants must have completed National Service with medical fitness of PES 'A' or 'B' (IS THERE AN A STAR?)
* Be physically fit (WEEEELL... I COULD CUT BACK ON THE KFCs)
* Have good eyesight without color blindness (BAD EYESIGHT BUT DIDN'T STOP ME FROM BEING A GUARDSMAN)
* At least 5 GCE 'O' level credits (HAVE, HAVE)

TRAINING

* Upon recruitment, you will undergo a 28-week training course at Police Academy (CHICKEN FEED)
* The training course includes basic investigation skills, self-defence and weapons handling (YAAAAWN)
* Upon completion of training, you will serve a 2-year bond (THANK GOD IT'S NOT LONGER)

With a B4 & above in Maths & English or English Literature, I qualify to be at least a Corporal. Having been a sergeant in Guards, this is a battering to the ego but uh, it's only one rank below. Not that much of a demotion. Definitely wouldn't mind the $1748.42 salary (Dang, who gets paid in 42cents denominations? Sheesh!).

So anyway, we'll see how this pans out. No expectations. Will be looking for other opportunities at the same time. Have got some spare money in the bank so I wouldn't mind what sort of opportunity it is as long as it's decisive, concrete and morally-correct.

In other news, I think one married woman at work just hit on me.

Can I sue for sexual harassment for this?

MAN, SUES FOR WORKPLACE SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN LANDMARK CASE

Singapore - In what may be the first case of its kind in this tiny island state, a manager at the foodcourt is suing for sexual harassment for an incident that happened at work involving a married female tenant.

Luis Piano (name has been changed to protect the victim), 27 said he didn't do anything. "I'm innocent. I was just doing my job. Now I feel so... so... used like toilet paper."

Heh heh heh. I'm just kidding. It really happened but I won't sue. I know I'm too sexy for my butt, too sexy for my butt, too sexy it huuuurts... .

Good night. Three more full shifts to go. Need as much rest as possible.

SEX Party

Friends, Ah Lians, countrymen... lend me your eyes.

I'm thinking of forming a party and standing in the next General Elections.

SOCIAL ETIQUETTE EXCELLENCE PARTY

Huh? What do ya guys think? Got a ring to it, eh? Eh? Heh heh.

This shall be my eight point manifesto:

1) Rushing into trains when passengers are about to alight shall be banned. Offenders shall be kicked into the last carriage where giraffes, chimpanzees and cows can be found, along with other animals.

2) Walking and stopping abruptly in the middle of the tracks to stare at the cobwebs at the ceiling shall be banned. All footpaths and alleyways shall have trapdoors. Sensors will detect these offenders. The trapdoors will then automatically open and transport these offenders straight into the sea where the rest of the "sotongs" are.

3) Cyclists who ring their bells madly when approaching people who walk on footpaths shall be banned from cycling. They shall instead be given pogo sticks courtesy of the government and be made to wear cow bells on their necks.

4) Sumo wrestlers shall deliberately be imported into the country to sit on people who put stuff on bus and train seats therefore effectively disallowing other people to sit on them.

5) Squatting on toilet seats while taking a dump shall be banned. Offenders shall be zapped back into the Stone Age.

6) The use of SMS lingo such as dis shall be banned frm all forms of skoolwerk, emails, letters and on da Internet. Offenders shall b sent 2 England 2 live with da Queen.

7) No one is allowed to tout in public. Offenders shall be formed in groups of 15 and be made to play rugby against the All Blacks for unnecessarily making people dodge them like rugby players themselves.

8) People who refuse to turn off their phones when in the theatre or places of worship shall have their phones confiscated from them and be given discount coupons courtesy of the government to purchase brains from any supermarket. Confiscated phones shall be donated to folks in Sudan, where they really need them.


So who's with me!? WHO is for SEX!? Do YOU want SEX!?

We want SEX! We want SEX! We want SEX!

C'mon you know you wanna say it!

We want SEX! We want SEX! We want SEX!

I know you want it bad!

We want SEX! We want SEX! We want SEX!

Same difference

Defination of Perth Day according to the Calamity dictionary:

- Doing anything that makes The Calamity Man happy on his day off work.

In life though, Perth Day or not, my current way of life is still to do anything that makes me happy. The only difference is that, on other days, work is involved.

Like I told Lilies two days ago, which I'm sure Venitha would agree to, every single day I'm in this place, I grow a little insane.

So for me to balance things out, if that means having a two piece hot and spicy ribs-only KFC meal with cheese fries on the side every other day of the week, I'd do that. If it means taking cabs just so I could miss the maddening animal-like subway crowd, I'd do that. And if getting myself little pieces of junk every now and then makes me happy, nothing can stop me.

Talking about that, I just got myself a new pair of sleek Obermain shoes from Takashimaya with Wang, Lilies and Heidi in tow. Poor them. I'm not the best guy to go shopping with but they got some stuff for themselves in the end too so it all evens out.

That must be the first time for as long as I can remember that I bought something that wasn't on sale. Dang, at 120 bucks, it'd better be worth it!

I got home straight after to watch Perth, the movie on Starhub's Video On Demand. When I mention Perth, I think about a beautiful, serene place with wide, open spaces and lots of Halal Ang Moh babes, but the movie wrecked it all for me.

Don't get me wrong. I already read reviews about the movie and I knew it wasn't gonna be pretty but I wanna know how a movie called Perth can be so... so...negative.

Let me put it in short for you. It's about this guy in his early 50s who's been around from one small position to another all throughout his life and he only has one dream - to move to Perth where everything is how I imagine Perth to be.

He never got to smell Perth in the end. Well, he did manage to pack all his stuff, got his ticket and was all set to go. He aaaaalmost made it. Almost. But. But shit happened.

Go watch it. Nice little twists here and there. Got me going "Gaaaaa!" all by myself with its heart-wrenching, tear-jerking moments.

The movie strikes a chord with me, in sort of a worrying way actually. Dang I hope I have better luck than he did.

Therapy required

This could very well be my last post for some time, unless some issue takes precedence and I absolutely have no choice but to bitch about it.

What's gonna happen from tomorrow onwards is that I would be doing the FULL SHIFT (16 hours from 0730-2230hrs) for a week as Eric is on a one week break probably in some cool and breezy Caribbean island for this period.

At the same time, I'd have to entertain MUIS as I represent my company in dealing with them, in seeking their advice on our foodcourt's conversion from a Halal one to a non-Halal one.

Also I'd have to coordinate the tangible changes involved such as the re-renovation works to switch our look, the tenants' crockery and cutlery, whatever financial transactions involved... hoh God, I'm so gonna be pooped out.

But for today I shall have fun, for today is Perth Day. I shall go to the polls before lunch with Lilies as we're voting in the same area for this year's General Election, have lunch after and go treat myself to a new pair of shoes later on.

Every daze

My mind has been in a daze of late. The uncertainty is getting to me. Trying to coordinate the variables in my life better to achieve what I'm setting out to do in the long term.

The plan right now is to:

1) Get that cleaning contract
2) Serve my reservist in June
3) Tender my resignation at my current job

So that I could:

1) Concentrate on my business development (website, acquiring more contracts, sell more stuff on eBay, attend to business matters)
2) Spare some evenings to enrich myself with activities (have written to volunteer with the Workers' Party, religious classes and if I could afford it, educational courses and perhaps to also indulge myself in my hobbies or other fun activities too)
3) Have more money to save, invest, donate, distribute (I only need a little for myself)

All the variables are there but they're in a mess. It's like I'm in some evil fantasy jigsaw puzzle game. I'm not in control. Much depend on how things will turn out in the next one month.

But I don't wanna give up.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see someone who's given up most of the time when things get a little rough. The only time I didn't was when I was in the army but then again, the whole thing was mandatory and there was no way I could just walk out anyway.

So yeah, no matter how things are not rosy I keep telling myself I cannot just walk away until I have the next opportunity not only clearly in sight or within grasp, but in the bag.

It took me longer than others to realize this. I'm on the wrong side of the 20s now but I'm glad I did eventually. I have always been a late bloomer and I hope things will work out, whatever they are, whenever that may be.